I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
This show inspires me to have sex in space
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
