I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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