YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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