I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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