i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
