Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
