you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
