just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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