Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
