i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
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so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
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I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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