Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just had sex on a roof
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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