The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
