I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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