I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
