I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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