Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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