wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
