Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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