so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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