My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
