worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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