remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just high enough for therapy.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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