he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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