I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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