period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
