i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!