come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.