Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge