What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
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A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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