My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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