I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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