I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
