i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
