Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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