it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
