i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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