I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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