My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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