I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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