why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
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I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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