I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
