You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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