I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
