we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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