Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
