I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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