I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
