I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
vagina is talking i cant
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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