there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
