He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.