But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid