Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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