alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"