My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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