You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
