Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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