My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
