I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
