I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
