I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
