Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
