Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
