So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
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just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
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Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree