omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
