Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
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i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
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But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time