i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work