It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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