I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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