How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
