Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
