i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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