But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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