Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
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I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
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all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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