It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
