I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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