Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
