ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
