just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
