Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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