Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
