youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
BRING THE BAGELS
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
