did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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