Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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