How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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