I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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