I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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